The Better Half of Me
by InTheNameOfLovex
Summary: Bella has changed tremendously since high school. She is no longer the innocent girl Edward once knew. Torn, Edward can't help but try to be there for his old best friend. But, how far would he go before getting sucked into peer pressure himself? AH/AU
1. Don't Tell Me Cause It Hurts

AN: First chapter of my new story. I'm really trying hard to be as organized as possible with this one. Hopefully I stay on track. I AM looking for a Beta. I don't really know the whole process of getting one. So any suggestions or help is definitely welcome. The first chapter is short, but I do want to see the reaction I get off of it. Boost my ego a little and what not. Hope you enjoy.

I do not own anything but the plot and original characters.

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Chapter One: Don't Tell Me Cause It Hurts.

"_You and me_

_We used to be together_

_Everyday together, always_

_I really feel _

_That I'm losin' my best friend_

_I can't believe_

_This could be, The End."_

_Don't Speak-No Doubt_

**EPOV**

"You're such a fucking wimp, Cullen. You know that?"

Kill.

Me.

Now.

I tighten the grip on the towel around my waist. I knew this shit wasn't going to work out. "Listen Em, if you want to do that kind of shit then it's none of my business okay? My terms were simple. I don't want that shit in my house and I don't want you trying to convince me into doing any of it. Why can't you just respect that?" I go into the closet and take out a navy blue button down.

"Why can't you just give it a shot? Doing it once won't hurt."

"I'm just not into that kind of thing, Emmett. I would like to keep my internship, you know? Taking a hit or smoking weed is not the way I want to keep my head in the game." I'm trying not to sound judgmental, but he's making it really fucking hard. My brother apparently doesn't know how to take no for an answer. Since I moved back to Seattle all he's done was try to convince me to go hang out with his delinquent friends. I'm not a fucking angel. I've done my own deal of crazy shit. It just never included drugs and theft.

"Bella was right."

My head immediately snapped in his direction. "Bella? What the hell are you talking about Em." Bella and I used to be best friends in high school. I had never told her, but I was in love with her since freshman year. Anyways, senior year came and I wanted to leave Forks. She had other plans. She said she couldn't leave her parents. So, I left to New York to attend NYU while Bella stayed and attended college in Washington. We of course promised to keep in contact. Had the whole 'best friends forever' speech to each other hundreds of times. Yeah, easier said than done we realized. We lost contact after a month. Well, if I were being honest I did. College was no joke. And I didn't have time to really just kick back and talk on the phone for hours. I was exhausted most of the time. One day, Bella just blew up at me. Told me to go to hell and that if I couldn't make time for her then she wouldn't make time for me. Of course I felt like a dick, but I wasn't going to sit there and argue with her. I figured she'd call me back the next day and the whole thing would be forgotten. Months flew by, and I never heard from her. I continued on with my life since she obviously continued on with hers. It's been 5 years since I've last seen her. I didn't know Emmett still was in contact with her.

"Bella. You know long, brown hair. About this tall. She used to-"

"I know who Bella is, dumbass. What the hell was she right about exactly?"

"Oh. She said you were an uptight asshole who had nothing better to do then stick a stethoscope up your ass. Said you take your career too seriously." He laughed. His phone began to ring_. "One More Drink" _by Ludacris and Tpain echoed in my apartment. _"If I take one more drink, I'm gunna end up fuckin' youuuu...' _Seriously? That was his ring tone? "Oh! Speak of the devil. Bella's calling." He lifted his finger to me, telling me to wait. What the fuck? They call each other? "Sup, B?" _B?_ I shook my head and continued getting dressed, trying not to pay attention to the conversation. I don't know why, but it bothered me that she and Emmett still communicated. Notice how I said it '_bothered' _me and not that it made me jealous. Because it didn't. I threw on a pair of boxers and American Eagle jeans.

"Alright I'll see you there in about thirty…Yes I know dumbass, trust me. Have I ever let you down? Yeah, didn't think so. Bye." He snapped his phone shut and looked up at me. "Well little bro, as much as I would love to stay here and continue this very interesting conversation with you, I can't." He said with heavy sarcasm. "I have places to go, people to see, and joints to smoke." And with that, he turned and left my room, closing the door.

"Emmett wait!"

He slowly opened my door, trying to hide the smile I can plainly see forming. "Yes little brother?"

"What the fuck was that about? What's going on with you and Bella?" I asked, frustrated. Did he honestly expect to have a conversation with someone who used to be so close to without telling me what the hell it was about?

"Not that it's any of your business but Bella, a couple of other friends of ours, and I are meeting up to go smoke and party."

"Bella doesn't smoke. Stop bullshitting me Em. Are you with her or not?"

"Dude, I just fucking told you. We're going to meet up with our friends, get fucked up, and hitting a club. If you don't believe me then you're more than welcome to come and see for yourself. Bella's not the same girl she was in high school ya' know. She's changed, a lot actually."

I grabbed my keys and growled. I refused to believe that Bella was actually into the same shit as Emmett. It wasn't her kind of scene. "I can't believe I'm fucking going with you to this shit. Let's go. We're taking my car." I turn off all of the lights and Emmett follows me out of the door. "I'm still not smoking with Emmett, so don't even try to convince me on the way there."

"Only if you let me drive" he says, entering the elevator with me. I push the Lobby button and watch as the doors close.

"Fine, whatever." I say, ignoring the low '_Yess'_ I hear from him. "You fuck it up, and I _will _kick your ass Emmett. I don't care how big you are."

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AN: So yeah, short I know, but like I said I want to see the feedback I get from this. So please review. Remember, I am looking for advice and help on this story. Big decisions to be made for future chapters. I am looking for a Beta so please if you could help me out please let me know :)

Review Please


	2. Can't Even Imagine

I don't own...Obviously.

Enjoy :)

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Chapter Two: They Can't Even Imagine

"_Maybe I'm just a Bad Girl_

_Maybe I'm just a Bad Girl, a Bad Girl_

_I can be your addiction,_

_If you want to get hooked on me."_

_Bad Girl by Danity Kane. _

Bella POV

This day sucks. There is honestly no better way to describe it. On my way to work I not only managed to spill water all over myself and fall in front of everyone around me, but I also did I fucktastic job of stepping in a pile of dog shit. Like I said, this day sucks. "Here you go Rye." I slide the drink down the table to the regular pervert on my right. He says something back, but I can't hear over the pounding music in the club. "What?" I say louder. He grabs his drink and winks as he chugs it down. He beckons me over using his finger, a goddamn sly ass smirk on his face. Fucking prick. Regardless, I play nice and lean over the bar. "What was that?"

"I said, thanks babe" He grins and throws down a twenty. "Keep the change. Buy something nice for me to look at later." I smirk. What a chump. I grab the money and shove it in my pocket. I lean closer to him and whisper into his ear.

"Call me babe or anything else remotely close to some sort of pet name one more time, and I will hang you on a tree by the balls. Got it Riley?" I watch as he slightly nods his head. I move back and glance at the clock. "Looks like it's time for me to go, fuckers." I say aloud to everyone present at the bar. "See you tomorrow Rye?"

"It's a date" He grins. I let it slide because I know he cant really control himself. Just how he is.

As soon as I count my tips and clock out I leave. I flip my phone open and call the greatest motherfucker alive. After two rings, he answers. "Em."

"Sup' B"

"Just got out of work. You're still meeting me right?"

"Yeah of course. You want me to get the goods this time?"

"Hmm…" I think for a moment. "As long as it does its job Em, I really don't give a fuck. Meet me and the rest if the gang at the usual spot?"

"Alright, I'll see you there in about thirty."

"I'm serious Em. It better be some good shit."

"Yes I know dumbass, trust me. Have I ever let you down?"

"Yes." And he has. One time he bought some coke from one of his 'very reliable sources.' I swear that shit did nothing but make me throw up. Everyone agreed with me when I said I thought we were sniffing baby powder.

"Yeah, didn't think so. Bye." He hung up. Bitch. He never admits when he fucks up.

I drop my phone back into my purse and walk to the meeting spot. Since we all agreed that if we were going to be doing drugs and shit, that neither of us wanted to put our houses up for possible future raids. We were always cautious when we did our shit, don't get me wrong. We just wanted to be safe. So, 'the spot' was born. It was in a little basement of Jake's bar. To anyone from the outside, it looked like a shitty chained up storage room. It wasn't until you actually stepped inside that you realized that it was actually a whole other room, completely hooked up with the latest game systems, pool tables, two stripper poles, and surround sound.

I knock on the door to the bar and wait. And there he was, Jacob mother-fucking Black. Six foot six of pure muscle, Jake stood looking like a fuck hot giant. Jake and I had history together. This was my left hand man. If Emmett didn't do it for me, then Jake was always there to pick up whatever fucking mess I made. We were best friends, and sometimes more. Sex with Jacob was amazing, I mean look at him. Kid could make me orgasm by just poking me. Aside from that, Jake and Emmett were my rocks. Without them, I don't know how I would have lived past high school. I know it sounds ironic, seeing that they were the ones to introduce me to all the drugs and fuckery of the world, but despite that shit they did help me. In more ways then one.

"About fucking time Swan." He moves to let me in. I shove pass him and head to the basement. I walk down the stairs and throw my shit down on the mini bar he had there.

"I had to stay late for work. I thought Em told you that?" I straighten my shirt out and look around. Rosalie and Jasper were already here. Jazz was apparently trying to teach Rose how to play Guitar Hero, but she wasn't exactly a happy participant.

"Fucker hasn't called me all day. He was too busy moving his shit." I glance back at Jake and throw him a confused look.

"Moving his shit? Em moved?" I found it incredibly fucking odd that Emmett never told me he was moving. The guy calls me to tell me he's taking a _shit _for Christ's sake. He tells me everything.

"Yeah, that's what he told me yesterday night when he came into the bar. He was drunk after the fifth shot and just started talking shit. Said he was moving out of his apartment since he got evicted."

"I told him he could shack up with me. I knew he got evicted, but I never knew he found a place already. Who is he living with now?"

"Idunno. All he told me was that it was some asshat that probably wouldn't take any of his bullshit. Could be good for him ya' know? So I didn't bother questioning it." Jake came up behind me and rubbed on my ass. "But you know, I would purposefully get evicted if you really want someone to '_shack up'_ with you know? Just give me the word."

I laugh, because that shit is funny. Jake lives in a condo. A _nice_ ass condo. Me? I live in a regular apartment in an ok neighborhood. I can't complain.

"Yeah sure. Just get your hand off of my ass." I slap Jake's hand away and wink at him. He winks back. Hm, maybe I'll have a little fun with him in that nice ass condo of his later. "Emmett better hurry u-" I say before getting interrupted by the banging door. "And he's right on time."

Jake goes to open the door and I sit back with Jazz and Rose. "Hey guys." Jasper and Rosalie were the calm type. Our group was balanced out with all of our fucked up personalities. Jake was the pervy rich boy, Emmett was the loud, shut-the-fuck-up-before-I-knock-you-out one, Jazz and Rose were calm and collected, and I was just the fucked up one. A complete fucking circle.

"Hey Bells" Rose says throwing the plastic guitar off of her. I look towards Jasper whose chuckling at the lack of patience Rosalie has. "Hey B." He says eventually. Ah, Jazz. He hasn't change one bit since high school. He's been into drugs for as long as I've known him. Him and I dated for about a month when we realized that we were _too _different for each other. Now? We're not that different. I do still find myself wondering if we should give it another shot. In high school, I was little, innocent, virginal Bella. I was scared of the things Jazz was getting into and I couldn't handle it. Of course, I had been warned before hand of what he was into. Jasper was anything but dishonest. I just thought I was able to handle seeing him high or stoned. I cared for him too much to watch him do that to himself. And don't get me wrong, I fucking love the guy now. I still care for him, it's just that now that I've been the high and stone girl. I didn't understand it back then. Now, I pretty much fucking _own _that shit. I fully understand it.

My inner rant ended when I heard yelling.

"I don't give a fuck Em! What the fuck were you thinking bringing him here? Do you not have a brain!"

Something was definitely wrong. Jake never lashed out like that unless it was for a very good reason.

"What was I supposed to do? He insisted! I can't exactly fucking leave him hanging when he's fucking helping me out Jake."

"_He's _the one you're living with? Oh, wait until Bella finds this out. Did you think about how she'll feel about this?"

Okay so now I'm apparently responsible for Jake's outburst. I glance at Rose and Jazz and give them my signature what-the-fuck look. They both shrugged and went back to that fucking game. _Assholes._

"That shit happened _years _ago Jake. Do you think Bella still fucking gives a shit about him now?"

"I'm standing right here you know!" A new voice says. A familiar voice. I'm having a fucking brain fart as to where I know that voice from and this shit blows, so I go to see what the fuck is up myself.

"What the fuck are you dipshits arguing abo-" When I reach the door I freeze. My eyes automatically lock onto emerald ones. I can't even fucking move right now. What. The. Fuck. Seriously? Am I really fucking seeing this right now?

Well he has definitely grown, but I definitely still recognize his shitty hair, dumbass eyes, and fucked up face. _Edward Cullen_ was fucking standing in front of me. That asshole who fucking ignored me fresh out of high school. Pretty boy Eddie who didn't give two shits about his supposed _best friend_ and couldn't even bother to fucking call said best friend even after what happened to her.

"Bella its good to see yo-"

"Shut the fuck up." His eyebrow quirks up.

I have never talked to him like that.

He looks hurt, but you know what? I don't give a flying fuck.

As far as I'm concerned? Edward Cullen is fucking dead.

"You're fucking dead to me Cullen."

One thing about me? I always speak what I think. And if Emmett is going to fucking live with him, well his shitface brother _will hear everything I fucking think about him. _

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So no reviews yet, but I refuse to give up. I really would love a little feedback though. What happened to Bella after high school will be revealed in time. Pictures of the club Bella works at, Jakes Bar, and 'The Spot', will be posted up on my profile soon.

Also! I'm still looking for a Beta or a pre reader who can help me make some decisions to this story. Please feel free to PM me or leave it in a review if you're interested. Thanks!


	3. It's Far Too Late

Chapter Three:

"_Every night you cry yourself to sleep_

_Thinking 'why does this happen to me?'_

_Why does every moment have to be so hard?_

_I do believe that its not over tonight_

_Just give me one more chance to make it right_"

I Won't Go Home Without You - Maroon 5

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**EPOV**

So I've come to the conclusion that I might be the biggest douche out there. Her words sting me. I'm fucking dead to her? Really? I mean, I know I was an asshole and had a hard tie keeping in touch with her after high school, but did I truly deserve all the hostility? She couldn't be serious.

"Are you serious right now?" I take a slow step towards her. I know the look she's throwing at me, years may have passed but Bella's mannerisms have never changed. She was pissed. The slight nose scrunch? Check. Left hand clenched into a fist so tight that her whole hand was sickeningly white? Check. Right hand combed through her hair repeatedly? Check. Bella was deadly serious, and I couldn't believe it. I've never been the subject of Bella's rage. I've never given a reason to be.

"As serious as a goddamn heart attack, asswipe."

Yup, she was definitely pissed.

"Think we can talk about to somewhere more…private perhaps?" I threw a look towards Emmett and the jolly green giant who so rudely answered the door.

"Don't even look at me like that, Cullen. I will knock your ass to the ground so fast, you won't even see me coming. I'm not the same quiet Jake from high school."

Wait, hold the fuck up. This guy was Jacob? Jacob Black? When the fuck did he catch a growth spurt? Regardless, I wasn't going to back down. Bella and I obviously needed to clear up some things, and I wasn't going to let some moron get in the middle of it.

"Calm down Jay, I don't want to talk to him anyways." Bella gives me a pointed look. "I have better things to do then talk to you. Em, do you have the shit or what?"

"Of course I do B." Em takes out a bag of some white shit. Hold the fuck up.

"You aren't going to-"

"Yes, yes we are. Now either get with it or get lost." Bella turns around and walks to the back. I look at Em. He can't be serious.

"Em?" I don't need to say any more. He knows exactly what I'm asking.

"Sorry Bro. She does what she wants. Free country."

"It's illegal."

"It's fuck awesome is what it is. Think of it as happy powder." I know he's trying to lighten the mood, but this definitely isn't even remotely close to being 'fuck awesome'.

"You're fucking crazy if you think that I'm-" And no one seems to be letting me finish my sentences today, because Emmett interrupts me.

"I don't expect you to do anything Edward, but if you can take the stick out of your ass for two god damn seconds then maybe you can live a little. Bella's right. Get with it or get lost."

I can't believe this. I shove past him and go in the direction where Bella went. I was, in no way, going to let her do this to herself. I wasn't leaving this damn place without her. The Bella I knew wouldn't do this.

"Bella wait up!" I catch up to her and grab onto her wrist. "Please just talk to me for a second."

"You're really fucking desperate aren't you?"

"Please." I state, not bothering to answer her question. I needed to see where the hell her head was.

"Two minutes, Cullen." She leads me to the bar, and takes a seat on one of the stools.

"I'm going to start without you B!" I hear Emmett yell.

"You better not or I'll shove that shit along with the straw up your goddamn nose!"

"You got it. Damn."

Bella turns to me and raises her eyebrow.

"What's gotten into you Bella?"

"This is who I am." She shrugs her shoulder like its nothing to her.

"This is not who you are, and you damn well know that. Let me help you. I know this place that-"

"I don't want your help." She sneers. "You haven't cared about what happens to me since high school."

"Is that why your doing this? Revenge?" I scoff. That's completely ridiculous.

"Please, don't flatter yourself. This is just what I do now. It's who I am."

"Let me guess, get with it or get lost?"

"You catch on quickly I see."

I'm not going to back down, it's what she wants. All of this behavior is just her guard. She doesn't trust me anymore, with good reason. It just doesn't make any sense to me that she would ruin her life like this.

"Bella, I'm sorry for what happened after high school okay? I lost touch with you. I couldn't handle balancing time between school and friends. Just give me another chance."

"You know what?" She smiles. Maybe she's going to forgive me?

"What?"

"You can shove that apology up your ass." Or maybe she wasn't. She stands up and walks back towards the room. I sit there for a minute to think about what I was going to do. I still care for her. I couldn't let it this happen to her. I stand up, already making my decision to grab Bella take her away from this damn place. This wasn't her. Regardless of what she says, I know who she is; who she _was._ I walk back into the room to find Jasper Hale snorting a line of coke. Typical, just fucking typical. I should have know he was the one responsible for this. He had been doing this shit since high school.

Emmett, Bella, and some blonde chick I didn't recognize were sitting on a couch near the table. Emmett was bent over a small mirror separating the white powder into lines.

"Em hurry the hell up."

"I'm making it even B, shut up."

"We don't give a fuck if it's even Emmett." The blonde girl says.

"Rose, you know what you can do?"

"What?"

"Shut the fuck up too." After diving it evenly, Emmett grabs a straw and snorts the first line. He leans his head up and closes his eyes, a small smile on his mouth. He passes it to Bella. "Here."

"About damn time." She grabs the straw out of his hand and glances at me. "You know the motto Cullen." She smirks at me.

"Don't do this Bella."

"Don't do what?" She's acting coy with me.

"You want specifics? Don't sniff the fucking cocaine alright?"

"Too late." She bends over and snorts the next line. Emmett is quietly chucking and I just want to knock him the fuck out. "If your going to stalk B then sit down at least Ed." I walk into the room and look around. Who the fuck needs a stripper pole in a room that's used to sniff coke? I shake my head and sit down, never taking my eyes off of Bella.

She's laughing at something Jasper said to Jacob. I can't believe I'm here watching this. This isn't my scene. It's the last place I ever thought I'd be actually. After Rose snorts her line she passes the mirror to me.

"You want, cutie?"

I look down at the mirror and back at Bella. She's watching me with wide eyes. I could also swear that I see her slightly shake her head. She's worried that I would do this shit? Well, now she knows how the fuck I feel. I glance back down at the mirror.

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**AN**: Reviews are not required, but very much appreciated. The first 10 people to review will get the song title to the next chapter. =)


	4. Can't You Just Get Over It?

Chapter Four:

"_I'm Not Ready To Make Nice,_

_I'm Not Ready To Back Down,_

_I'm Still Mad As Hell, And I Don't Have Time_

_To Go Round' And Round' And Round',_

_It's Too Late To Make It Right, _

_I Probably Wouldn't If I Could_

_Cause' I'm Mad As Hell, Cant Bring Myself_

_To Do What It Is_

_You Think I Should"_

I'm Not Ready To Make Nice - Dixie Chicks

BPOV

He wouldn't. Cullen wasn't a vindictive guy, and based on how he's been acting the past 20 minutes I'd say this was just a damn ruse. As far as I know, he's a chump. I look away from him and laugh to myself. There was no way he would do that. He just wanted to get a rise out of me. I was already feeling fucking fantastic. The weight of the world seem to lift off of my shoulders and the room slowly spun around in my head. Em definitely got the good shit. Fuckhead knew better.

"I'll pass" I hear him murmur. Ha, I knew it. Like I said. Chump. I suddenly feel some shit vibrating on me, and I swear to _god_ if its another one of Jake's fucking pranks again I will kill him. A few days ago, Jake thought it would be funny to replace my phone with a decent sized vibrator. Being high out of my fucking ass, I didn't realize it until it was too late. I answered my new and improved cock phone. Obviously, it wasn't a fucking great day for me.

I shoot a look at Jake and see him talking to Jasper as he takes another line. Hm, nothing fishy. I go into my bag and sure enough it was my cell phone going off. I look at the caller ID. Fuck, its my little sister. I forgot to tell her I was going out after my shift at the club. I groan and get up slowly. I can't even fucking focus and now I have to fucking carry a conversation with my chatty ass sister. I laugh at my attempt at walking, and chant mentally. 'Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot.' The damn vibrating stops and no one seems to be paying attention to me, besides Cullen of course. I walk towards the door and sure enough, the damn vibrating begins again. Stepping out of the room I lean against a wall and answer the damn phone.

"Hey, I'm sorry I forgot to let you know I was going out after work tonight."

_"I figured that. I lost my keys, any hidden spares?"_

"Sorry kiddo, I don't."

_"So what exactly am I suppose to do now? Wait while you get stoned?"_ She sounds irritated. Too bad I couldn't bring myself to really care right now.

"I don't know what to tell you, Alice. I don't dictate your damn life."

_"You're right, you don't. You never will."_

"Am I suppose to care about this? Because I don't."

_"Just come the home Izz. I'm locked out and I would really like to get some sleep. Please?"_

"Fine." I hang up. Damn her. Always killing my fucking buzz. Alice was twenty. She could take care of her damn self.

"Is everything alright?" A voice said behind me. I fucking jumped, dropping my phone in the process.

"Fuck! What the fuck is your problem Cullen? Does privacy mean shit to you?" I go to grab my phone at the same time he bends down to get it and we smack heads against each other. "Fucking _ouch_! Great. Fucking_ great_. I'll probably get a bump the size of my fucking fist now. Get away from me!"

Cullen has his hand on his head, rubbing the spot where his gargantuan fucking head hit mine. He reaches down and grabs my phone, holding it out to me. I snatch it from his hand and glare at him.

"My apologies. I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"My apologies? Who the fuck says that anymore? Are you like fifty fucking years old or something? And I don't need a damn babysitter Cullen." I ignore whatever the fuck he was attempting to say next and head inside the room. I look at everyone and tell them I need to go the fuck home. I grab my book bag and look at Jas. I ask him if he'll drive me home and the asshole tells me he rode with Rose here. Rose doesn't even look my way, her silent way of telling me that there was no way in hell that she was leaving right now. _Bitch_. Jake needed to stay to watch his place, and Em road with Big fucking Head here. Great. I don't make it a big deal and leave telling them all to go fuck themselves. What? It could have been worse. I don't even grace Cullen with a goodbye and walk out the bar. I dig through my book bag and pull out a cig. I needed this shit if I was going to walk home. Lighting it I inhaled deeply.

"That's a bad habit you got there."

I was becoming used to him following me, and that was not a good thing.

"I'm getting tired of you're stalking tendencies Cullen." I turn around and take another pull from my cigarette. Blowing the smoke toward him, I raise my eyebrow. He seemed unfazed as my smoke surrounded him.

"I was under the impression that you needed a ride."

"Yeah? Well I don't need any damn favors from you asshole. I am perfectly capable of walking." I watch him as he goes to his car and unlocks it.

"Just get in the car Bella." He seems fed up. Good. Maybe I'll fuck up his dashboard just to piss him off some more. I throw my cigarette to the ground and step on it. I walk to his car and we get in. I set my book bag on my lap and kick my feet up on his dashboard. Boots and all. I hope I scuff the shit.

"Interesting backpack." I glance down at my shark book bag and smirk. It was a_ kick ass _book bag. Emmett got it for me last year as a birthday gift. I nod in agreement and just because I felt like being a bitch some more I rub my boots some more on his dashboard.

"This doesn't bother you, does it?"

"Nope. You used to do that shit all the time in high school." My body tenses at the mention of high school. I don't want to sit here and fucking reminisce with the asshole. I put my feet down, pissed off that my plan didn't work.

"I still remember everything, you know?" he murmured. I sighed and looked at him.

"Good for you Cullen. You want to know what I remember?" He rolls his eyes, and I know he's not going to answer me so I just continue anyways. "You fucking_ ditching _me."

"I never ditched you Bella."

"We can sit here and lie all we want asshole. You fucking know the truth." I was getting even more angry.

"I had a lot going on! I told you I was sorry!"

"_You had a lot going on_! Fuck you, you fucking prick. Guess what this is Cullen? _Life. _Shit fucking happens, and you're going to fucking sit here and tell me that you had SO much shit going on that you couldn't fucking pick up a god damn phone and call me? Text me? Email me? Did you ever fucking wonder what was going on back home? You just fucking up and left to college, like you're better then all of us. Well guess what asshole, you're not!" I took a deep breath and looked out the window. There is silence for a while before he starts the car.

"Where do you live?" He asks quietly. After telling him the directions, I rolled down the window and let the fucking wind blow through my hair.

"I wondered about you all the time Bella. I had no time, believe it or not. And when I did call you, you were just so damn angry. I was pissed that when I finally did call you, you just treated me like shit. So no, I never tried to call you again. I thought you'd get over whatever the hell it was you were really angry at and call me back. Like always, you know? I'm not perfect, you know this. I just want you to forgive me. Forget what happened in the past. Lets just move forward." I really do wish it was that fucking easy. There is no way I could forget.

"Some things aren't that easy to fucking just get over."

"And I'm sorry for assuming that, but-"

"It doesn't fucking matter, alright? Just fucking drop it."

"I'm not going to drop it. What you're doing to yourself isn't good Bella. I don't like seeing you like this."

"I can't be the person you want me to be. She's fucking gone. Sorry to burst your fucking bubble and all that."

"I don't believe that," he says as he pulls up to my building.

"Fucking believe it." I say pushing the door open. I get out and slam his door shut. He leans towards the passenger window and smiles crookedly and me.

"Oh, and Bella?"

"What asshole?"

"You curse too fucking much," he says and pulls away.

I laugh to myself, and head into the building to help my fucking sister out. I mean, my _freaking sister._

**AN**: Pictures are in my profile. Reviews would be nice :)


	5. It's No Excuse

**I do not own.**

**I've been MIA I know. My house caught on fire, and my rabbit is gone :( Luckily, my daughter and I are very much safe. **

**I NEED to thank my Beta, Becka. She got on my ass about updating and because of her, the chapter is up a hell of a lot earlier then it would have been. So thank you Becka :) **

Chapter Five:

"_Fussing and fighting, we back at it again_

_I know that it's my fault you don't understand_

_I got memories, this is crazy_

_You ain't nothing like the girl I used to know"_

Ice Box- Omarion

EPOV

Driving away from Bella's apartment, I realize something. It's an act. She doesn't hate me as much as she lets on. She's built a wall around her, and I know that even she doesn't approve of her new lifestyle. The addiction she has is just a front. Something to make her look a bit badass. I'm not a damn therapist or anything, but I know my damn best friend. If I could even call her that anymore. I apologized, hoping she could just forgive and forget. Obviously it's going to take a long time before she can get used to me being around. But that's okay because I'm not going anywhere.

I park in front of the bar and knock on the door. I honestly just want to go the hell home. Hopefully Emmett agrees with me. Jake opens the door and lets me in with a grunt. I don't want any problems so I just keep my damn mouth shut and walk past him. Jake has other plans though as he grabs onto my shoulder and turns me around to face him.

"Stay the fuck away from her, you hear me?"

"Who?" I know who he's talking about, but I decide to have some fun with him.

"Bella. You've done enough damage, don't you think?"

"I didn't do anything. Now let me go." I grab onto his arm and push it away from me. "I don't want problems, but I'm not a punk either. Don't think you can just push me around, Black."

"I'm warning you. One fucking complaint from her and your ass is gone. Hear me?" He steps closer to me and jabs his finger in my chest.

"Back off, Jake." Emmett's voice fills the room and I'm thankful for his perfect timing. I know Bella would be pissed if I fucked up her little friend, but the dick was pushing my buttons. I grab onto Emmett's hoodie and attempt to push him to the door so we can get the fuck out of here. I say attempt, because that's exactly what is is, an attempt. I'm not a scrawny guy, the evidence being present under my shirt where my abs stay hidden, but Emmett is huge. Realizing what I was trying to do, Emmett walked towards the door and waved at Jacob.

"I was heading out anyways. Sorry we couldn't party tonight Jake. Maybe tomorrow. See ya."

Jacob nods once at him and we leave. It seems like Bella isn't the only one who's changed. Jacob used to be a damn punk in high school. He was always quiet and never defended himself when anyone picked on him. I wonder how he even became friends with Bella, because that shit didn't happen while I was there. The only fucker I had a problem with back then was Jasper. And that was for obvious reasons. This was all his fault. I'm more then 90% sure that he was the one to get Bella started on drugs.

"Listen man, I don't mind you coming to hang out with us and shit but please stop starting problems with all of them. I told you Bella changed. Deal with it."

"Bella isn't like this Emmett. Trust me. I know her." I say as we get into the car.

"You _knew_ her." Now he was pushing my buttons. Did everyone have something against me?

"Just because we didn't talk for a little doesn't mean-"

"Four years."

"What?"

"You didn't talk to her for four years. You don't know what she's been through since then, E. She has her own reasons for getting involved in this mess. I see her as a little sister, you think I would just let her fuck her life up for no reason? I've tried to talk her out of it. But Bella is her own person. She makes her own decisions. She isn't a child anymore, and this isn't high school. Don't try to pick up where you left off, because believe it or not bro, life moved on without you. _She_ moved on without you."

Now that was a punch in the gut. I don't know how to respond to what he said, so I just stay quiet. The drive home remained that way. I unlock the door and get attacked by the little piece of shit dog that Emmett brought with him. Emmett pats me on the back before grabbing a beer from the fridge and going to his room. I lean down to pet the damn thing since the guy was practically dry humping my leg.

"Hey Madden, you little fucker." He barks and bites on my the bottom of my jeans. I'm not a dog lover, but he was starting to grow on me, "I still haven't forgiven you for what you did to Colbie. I know the whole dog versus cat thing exists in the world, but if you want a home then you're going to have to play nice with my cat, bitch." He just stared at me with those stupid ass puppy eyes. It was as if she heard me talking about her, because Colbie came walking towards me. She rubbed against my leg and purred.

"I wasn't talking shit about you Colb. Just defending you." I say as I rub behind her ear. I know I'm fucking crazy for talking to my animals, but fuck it. I stand up and open the fridge. I hate beer, but it was either that or water. Pulling out a beer, I walk to my room to get ready for bed. I chug the damn thing and change into some sweats. I take off my shirt and throw it to the ground. I'll clean later. The only thing I'm focused on was getting some damn sleep.

~tbhom~

"_Girl you are a beauty, well I am a beast! They must have been trippin to let me off the leash! I love the way you grind with that booty on me! Shorty you a dime why you lookin' lonely!" _

That, ladies and gentlemen, is what I woke up to this morning. I open the door to find a half naked Emmett using my broom as a microphone. Not only that, but he was grinding his junk on my broom. I definitely need a new one.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He continues unfazed by my question. I realize he doesn't hear me. I groan and run my hands through my hair. It's too early for this shit. One thing people should know about me? I hate when people wake me up. If I want to sleep until 3 in the afternoon- I expect to sleep until three in the afternoon. It was twelve in the afternoon, so my plans obviously didn't work out for me. I grab onto a bag of peas from the freezer and make my way towards him.

"_So sexual, incredible. She beautiful, she edible. I got her; I won't let her go. I aint' seen nothing better yo! Look how she twurk it, the way she work it. Make me wanna hit it hit_ FUCKING COLD. WHAT THE FUCK!"

That's right. I stuck those cold motherfuckers right down his pants. I burst into laughter, and my bad mood is immediately gone at the sight of Emmett jumping around like a fucking monkey. He glares at me the entire time he's fishing for the bag of peas in his pants.

"What the fuck is your problem man?" He throws the bag onto the counter. I grab it and throw it out. What? I sure as hell wasn't going to eat something that touched his ass and possibly his nuts.

"I don't like being woken up. Especially if it's because of my half naked brother blasting music and gyrating his junk all on the damn broom I clean with."

"You really need to get laid, E" This is true. But that's beside the point.

"This has nothing to do with my getting laid Emmett. I just want some sleep."

"It's fucking twelve! Wake up and greet the goddamn day!" I sigh and give up. There's no winning with him. I feed my cat and give her some fresh water. My internship doesn't start up until September, so I have a couple of months to relax. That's a huge relief.

"What are you doing later today?" I look up at Emmett as I grab an apple.

"I had planned on catching up on the three fucking hours of sleep I lost. Why?"

"You really have no life man. We're going to a club tonight. So be ready by nine because we're going to smoke before we go in."

"_We_ aren't doing anything. You can smoke." I take a couple of bites of my apple as Emmett scoffs and shakes his head. I don't see why he wants me to smoke so badly. Was it wrong of me to try to get my life together and not fuck it up with drugs? I didn't think so.

"But you'll come with me to the club?"

"You know, I'm starting to think you're using me just so you can have a chauffeur to drive your ass around"

"Are you coming or not?"

"Yeah, fine." I throw my apple in the garbage. I turn around to head back into my room.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going back to sleep dumbass. This time I hope I won't be woken up by my brother. Got it?"

"No life, E. No life." I ignore him and close my door. Back in bed, and I feel sleep come back to me instantly.

I wake up four hours later and feel ten times better. I stagger into the bathroom and freshen up. I can hear Emmett's stupid dog barking and it's pissing me off. Dogs are way too fucking loud. Stomping out of the bathroom and into the living room I see a disturbing sight. Emmett is on top of the little shit and kissing him.

"That is fucking disgusting Emmett."

"You're just jealous because Madden would bite the shit out of your lips if you even tried to do this." He kisses it again, and I almost throw up.

"I wouldn't try it Em. That's the point."

"Whatever. Let's play some Call of Duty before getting ready."

"Hook it up. I'm going to make me something to eat." I hear Emmett's phone ring with that stupid ring tone again and I freeze.

"We've gotta stop calling each other like this B, I'm starting to catch feelings." I don't even want to listen to the rest of the conversation after that so I go into the kitchen to cook something.

A couple of hours later, and I'm dressed in a simple black t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Throw my black and white Nike's in the mix and I look good. I honestly don't want to go out again, but I'm not going to stay at home with the damn animals tonight. I walk out of my room to find Emmett in a blue button up shirt, dark blue jeans, and white sneakers. He grabs onto a blue and white jacket and tosses my keys at me.

"Let's get the fuck out of here, I'm in need of some damn weed."

I don't feel like going through that dumb shit again, so I grab onto my wallet and black jacket and lock up. In the car Emmett decides to just light a fucking blunt, effectively making my car smell like that shit. I glance at him and sure enough, he has a huge ass smile on his lips. "One pull. Just take one pull, and then tell try to tell me that I'm dumb for doing this shit," he says, holding the stupid blunt in my face.

Now, here is the part where I should explain something. I don't fall victim to peer pressure. Ever. If I didn't want to do something, then I wasn't going to do it. Now with that being said, I can't deny that a part of me wants to see what the big fuss is about. I know doing it once won't hurt me, but did I really want to do this? I grab onto the blunt, examining it. It was obviously wrapped using a Dutch, and I can practically taste the weed because the scent was so damn strong. I'm glad I'm not driving yet, because I really don't want to do this in a moving vehicle.

"It's not going to fucking bite man, just bring it to your lips and inhale. Hold it in for a couple of seconds and blow out. Easy peasy lemon squeezy."

And my brother is a fucking weirdo. Nonetheless, I do what he says and bring it to my lips. I inhale and immediately feel it burn my throat. I hold it in like he says, but can't help coughing it back out. I feel like a fucking loser, choking on the first pull I take. Emmett is rubbing my back and it only makes me feel even more like a damn wuss.

"Everyone chokes man. Don't worry about it. It actually helps open up your lungs when you cough. Gets you more high."

In the midst of me fucking dying, I wonder when the hell Emmett became a doctor to know that. I eventually stop coughing and sit up in my seat. I don't feel any different. "Emmett this shit didn't even do anything and I already spent the first 5 minutes coughing my damn brains out. It's not worth it."

"Take another pull."

I take another one. The burning is still there, but it wasn't as bad as the first. I blow out and manage to cough only once. I didn't feel any different. A little dizzy if anything. I pass it to Emmett and he smokes it like a damn pro. We take turns passing the blunt back and forth. When it's finished, I feel a bit funny. Emmett stares at me for a good 2 minutes before he bursts out in laughter. I can't help but laugh with him. We probably look like fucking idiots laughing for no damn reason.

"W-What are you laughing at?" I manage to say during my sudden laughing fit.

"You! You're fucking baked."

We talk and laugh about random things on the way there. Honestly speaking, I haven't laughed like this in a while. It feels good to be carefree for once. I park my car and we get out. Emmett is talking nonstop and I wonder if he's even breathing right now. I lock the car and we head towards the club entrance. There's a long ass line and I know it'll take hours to get in.

"Maybe we should just go to a bar or something Em. Unless your friends are holding a spot on line for us, I don't see us getting in any time soon."

That was my way of asking Em if Bella was here discreetly. If any of his other friends were here, I'm pretty sure Bella would be here too.

"They'll be here in about an hour. Just follow me." I try not to feel disppointed. Emmett walks passed the line laughing. Everyone is cursing us out and I can't help but laugh either. I don't know what Emmett is planning on doing to get us in here, but I just shut up and follow him. We get up to the bouncer and Emmett pats his back. They seem to know each other. He points at me and the bouncer nods.

"Let's go Ed, we're in."

I ask no questions and follow him. We walk into the club and it looks amazing. Music is blasting and all kinds of lights are flashing. It's hard to see but there seems to be a bubble machine somewhere because bubbles are randomly floating in the air. I pop one next to me and smoke comes out of it. What the fuck? Smoke filled bubbles? Emmett is laughing at me and calling me a fucking retard, but I don't care. I've never seen any shit like that.

"I'm going to take a leak man, I'll be right back." Em leaves and I decide that I need a drink. If I'm going to face Bella while I'm "fucking baked" then I'm going to need fucking alcohol to hide that. I don't know why I don't want Bella to know I'm high. Maybe because she'd call me a fucking hypocrite. I don't know. I walk through the crowd and towards the bar. Everyone seems to be crowded around it, but I manage to make my way through.

It was then that I realized that I didn't need alcohol to hide my high. It was gone in an instant. I stood completely shocked, seeing Bella with her tongue shoved down some guy's throat.

* * *

**A bit of a filler chapter. More E&B next chapter. I sometimes post teasers on my facebook, so add me under Juju Bee. I have a banner, pictures of Madden and Colbie, and all things tBHoM up there. So check it out. Also, the smoke filled bubbles are REAL. I used to work in a Halloween store and they sold a bubble fogger. I literally used to stand next to it and pop all the smoke filled bubbles :) Anyways, reviews aren't a must, but they are very much appreciated! Until next time :)**


	6. Bottoms Up

**What is this? An update so soon? **

**I know it shocks the hell out of me too. I have my wonderful Beta, Becka, to thank for that. When she writes me and says, "So how's chapter six coming along?" I know I better get my ass on that computer and get to it! So thanks Becka! :)**

**In other news, I got ENGAGED! Happiest moment of my life, besides when my daughter was born of course. But still, everything was perfect. And the ring! Ahh, I love him. Anyways, I'll stop babbling. Hope you all enjoy the chapter :)**

**As always, I do not own.**

* * *

Chapter 6: Bottoms Up

_"Could I get that 'Tron; Could I get that Remmy?_

_Could I get that Coke; Could I get that Henny?_

_Could I get that Margarita on the rocks, rocks, rocks?_

_Could I get that salt all around that rim, rim, rim, rim?"_

_Bottoms Up- Trey Songz ft. Nicki Minaj_

**BPOV**

"Fuck off Riley. I'm not in the mood today," I say as I untie my hair. I run my hand through my hair and take a deep breath. I need patience today. Em and the rest of the group are coming by and they usually like to hassle me while I work, Emmett especially. He always orders a drink, teases me saying I served his drink wrong, and then demands to speak to the manager. Fucking douche.

"Just let me buy you a shot and I'll leave you alone. Promise." He slaps down a twenty and winks at me. This guy is relentless. His piercing blue eyes are looking right at me, and I know he's not going to leave me alone unless I let him buy me the damn drink.

"In case you didn't notice, I am the bartender here. I can take some shots for free if I feel like it. But if you want to put more money in my pocket, I'm not going to stop your stupid ass." I take the twenty and place two shot glasses on the table. "What do you want?"

"Patron. Goes down like water." His eyes never leave mine and it kind of creeps me the fuck out. I grab the Patron and pour two shots. "Bottoms up," he says to me as we both take the shot. I feel the liquid go down my throat, and I had to admit it was exactly what I needed. "See? Wasn't so bad huh?"

"Shut it."

I pour us another shot and down it before he can even grab for his. I know it's unprofessional of me to drink on the job, but I have Aaron helping me tonight so I know he will cover for me when I slack off a bit. I look around the crowded club and sigh. I wish I were partying like the people here, but a girl has to earn money for her bad habits. I could only imagine what my parents would think.

On that note, I need another drink…or four. I put my finger up to Riley, telling him to hold on a minute. I walk over to Aaron put on my best smile. He knows me. We've been through this.

"Uh-oh. I know that look, Cow Bell." Yeah, I guess I should explain that. First day we met, I had on a black and white polka dotted shirt, and when I told him my name was Bella he just began calling me Cow Bell. He's obviously a fucking cornball, but he's sweet about it so I let it slide. "You want me to hold down the fort, right?"

"Aw Aaron, you shouldn't have! Thanks for offering," I wink at him and of course he laughs. Fucker is putty in my hands. "Seriously though, please? I don't want to work while drunk."

"As opposed to working while you're high?" Ow, low blow.

"You would do best to watch your mouth."

"Shutting up." He smirks and pulls on one of my loose strands of hair. "Don't have too much fun without me Bell."

"Never have; Never will. I'll just serve myself and pick up the tab later. I'd hate to bother you." I could clearly see that my conversation with Aaron was frustrating my fellow clubbers. I kiss his cheek and walk back over to Riley.

"Now, where were we?" I pour two more shots for us. "Oh yeah. What was it that you said? Bottoms up?" I clank my shot glass with his and we both down them.

"Have I caught you on a good day? You never usually entertain me when I shamelessly flirt with you."

He's right. I just feel like forgetting everything for a damn moment, so I'll drown my worries in alcohol. If I knew someone that sold coke, I'd opt for that. I'm not much of a drinker. If it came down to drinking or doing drugs, I'll stick to the good shit. The drugs. And since none of that is readily available, I have to stick with the booze. "Do you want to drink or what?"

Eight shots later and I can tell we're both feeling it. Three more shots go by and I'm definitely liking Riley's company. That's how I know I'm drunk off my ass. I lead Riley to the dance floor and grind my ass on him as Rihanna's S&M fills the room. I've taken him by surprise, I can tell. He may be drunk, but he's not stupid. I never show him this kind of attention. I don't know what's changed, but I just feel like fucking dancing. So that's what I'm going to do. When the chorus comes, I can't help but dance harder. I drop to the floor and come back up, making sure to grind my ass up his legs. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me!" I sing along like a drunk mess and I can see from the corner of my eye that Riley is laughing at me. We grind to the beat and I am turned on when Riley runs his hands through my hair and grips it hard. I can feel my face heat up, and I know I have to calm down before I do something incredibly fucking stupid.

The song ends and I grab Riley's hand and go back to the bar. Riley sits down on one of the stools as I go around the other end to grab some more booze. We both take three more shots each and I can't fucking see straight. Drinking was becoming my favorite fucking thing to do. I look towards Aaron and wink at him and he just laughs. "You're done Cow Bell." He grabs the bottle from my hand and puts it back on the shelf. I shrug and turn my attention back to Riley.

His eyes are staring directly into mine. Wonder boy here looks like he's about to bust any moment. I bite my lip a little to tease him and giggle. He cocks an eyebrow and says, "You're coming home with me tonight right?" I laugh and shake my head.

"I'm fucking drunk Rye, not suicidal." He pretends to look offended and places his hand on mine.

"I promise you won't regret this. I'll fuck you nice and proper. Don't be a tease Bell. You're driving me crazy here."

Where the fuck are my friends when I need them? I don't want to get into a car with him this drunk. My eyes are already fucking drooping and my head seems twenty pounds heavier. I look down at Riley's hand on top of mine and make up my mind. Fuck it. I'm gonna distract the fucker. I remove my hand from his push it through his hair, gripping it hard. I bring his lips to mine and kiss the fucker like my life depends on it. He responds immediately and pushes his tongue into my mouth. I almost gag. He moans into my mouth and moves his hand to the back of my head, pushing my face even more into his. I try pulling away but his hand is fucking stopping me. I push against his chest.

"Mfm! GFT URFF!" My head just seems to get heavier and heavier because I can't even fucking concentrate right now. He's grunting and pushing my head harder into his fucking face. I think my plan has backfired. I realize how much of a dumbass I am thinking that this would distract him. The guy was practically fucking molesting me. I'm too drunk to push him off so when he abruptly stops, I wonder why. Not that I was fucking complaining.

"Get the fuck off of her!" That stupid fucking velvet voice. Why the fuck is he here?

"Who the hell are youuu?" Riley's fucking wasted.

"CULLEN!" I scream over the music and go to him. I wrap my arms around him and laugh. I don't know why I'm so happy to see him. Maybe because he's playing the night in shining armor and saving me from this fuck face.

"Bella what the fuck are you doing with this guy?"

"Itss jus' Riley No need to rain on my parade. Sheeesh."

"That's rightt! I'm Riley. So who the fuck are you, huh?" Riley pokes Cullen's chest. This shit is just amusing. I move away from Cullen and decide to fuck with him and see what he'll do.

"Oh, Cullen. It wazzz horrible. He pushed his face into mine and it hurt!" I watch as his eyes glint with anger. He steps forward, closer to Riley.

"Back off man. She doesn't want to kiss you so just turn around and leave." His hand is tightening into a fist. I've never seen him so serious before.

"Or else what, Cutlin?" What the fuck did Riley just say? Cutlin? I burst out laughing, realizing that he thought I said _Cutlin_ and not _Cullen. _

"Stop the violence! Stop the maddness!" I say between laughter. I take a step forward and almost bust my ass, but Cullen grabs onto my arm and holds me steady.

"Jesus, Bella. You're that fucking drunk? Sit down." He pulls me to a stool and makes me sit down. I look towards Riley and see that he's arguing with…Emmett? When the fuck did he get here? Riley lifts his hands up and steps back. Cullen here is rubbing down my hair like I'm some fucking puppy.

I lay my head on the bar and mutter, "Woof."

"Did you just bark at me?" I turn my head to see his green eyes staring down at me. Cullen's become quite the pretty boy since high school. His face seems more narrow, manly. His jaw is set, his chest seems defined, and he just has an overall manly vibe to him.

"You got that right, pretty boy."

I hear him scoff and I look down to the floor. The tiles in this place are really nice. After 5 minutes, I try to focus. I hear Cullen talking to Emmett. I wonder where Riley is.

"I don't care, Emmett. She's drunk! I'm taking her home. Get a ride from one of your other friends." I feel Cullen wrap his arm around me and pull me up on my feet. My head lolls to the side as I stare at him. "And what exactly do you think yurr doing there buddy?"

"Jesus, Bella. Your breath fucking stinks like alcohol."

"You curse too efffffing much," I mutter. I hear him chuckle and I smile widely at him. We walk- well he helps me walk- outside and he opens the passenger door. I practically fall into the seat and adjust myself. It smells like weed in here. "You got?" I ask him as he steps into the car.

"Got what?" He looks confused.

"Weed. I smell it." And now he looks nervous. He starts the car and drives.

"What are you? A dog?"

"Woof."

"That's the second time you barked at me today. I'm starting to get worried." He's trying to change the subject. Like I said, I'm drunk, not stupid.

"Do you have weed or not Cullen?"

"You're not smoking. So, it doesn't matter." He thinks he's my fucking father all of a sudden. I rest my head back and close my eyes. I don't feel like arguing with him anymore. Fuck him. The ride is quiet and I fall asleep.

**EPOV**

Anger. Pure anger is what I felt watching that guy kiss Bella like that. It was clear that she wanted to get away from the guy. So I helped her. And now here she is, sleeping like a damn baby in my car. I can't remember how to get to her house.

"Bella," I say, keeping my eyes on the road. Silence. "BELLA!" I say loudly. She's still sleeping. I guess she isn't a light sleeper. I feel like shaking the crap out of her for getting this drunk. What the fuck was she thinking?

I pull up to my house and park. I rest in the silence and dark for a minute before I look over at Bella. Her mouth is open and I think she's drooling on my car seat. I laugh quietly and contemplate whether or not I should take a picture. I nudge her shoulder. "Bella, wake up." Nothing. I nudge her harder. Still, nothing. If it wasn't for the fact that I could hear her breathing, I would think she's dead. This isn't good. I don't want to go into the building with Bella like this. I lean in close to her face and watch her for a moment. And then, I scream in her ear. "BELLA!"

She jumps up and nearly punches the shit out of me. I move away quickly and watch her. She has her hands on the dash board and strands of her hair are covering her face.

"Unggggggggg," she groans. I get out of the car and go to the passenger side. I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her up. She leans against me as she gets her feet situated. "Sorry…"

She's apologizing? I don't know how to respond to that, so I just walk towards the lobby. "I need you to try to focus Bella. Can you do that? I really don't need these people to assume things about me." She nods and stands up straighter. We walk through the lobby, and the only thing I get is a nod from the security guard as I make my way towards the elevator. Bella is quiet as we enter the elevator and wait until we get to my floor. I manage to fish for my keys and unlock the door single handedly. Madden is jumping all over the damn place and I resist the urge to just kick him across the room. "Down!" I say strictly as he continues to jump on my leg. He's barking and its giving me a damn headache. Next to me, I hear Bella once again bark. "You definitely need to lie down. I'm starting to think you're transforming into a dog." I lead her towards my bedroom and she lazily moves her feet to try and help me out. She's pretty heavy for someone her size. When we reach my bed, she practically belly flops right onto it. I laugh as I take her shoes off. She's definitely weird when she's drunk. I get up and go through my drawers, pulling out a plain white t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts.

"Here." I throw them at her and they land on her face. Before I can even turn to leave so she could have some privacy, she pulls her shirt off, revealing a black laced bra. And before I can manage to ask her what the hell she was doing, she's…_attacking_ me. She presses her mouth roughly against mine and tangles her hands through my hair. I'm frozen as her tongue pushes past my lips and into my mouth. So, I do what any other sane male would do and respond back. I place my hands wearily on her hips and push her body up against mine. I hear her groan and I'm giving myself a mental pat on my back. She takes over and pulls me to the bed.

Now this is where I start to calm myself down because there is no way in hell I can do this while she's drunk. "Bella…" I break away from her lips and look into her eyes. They're hooded and full of so much damn lust I almost say fuck it. She's not stopping, that's for sure. "Bella…wait. Just calm down for a second okay?"

"I want you…" she slurs as her hands run up and down my chest.

"I can't do this right now. Not like this."

"What the fuck, Cullen? You can't just fuck me with no damn feelings? You're being a fucking loser." She huffs as she pushes me away from her. She begins to pull off her pants and I turn around. Grabbing all of my necessities, I head off to the living room to spend the night on the couch. I set up my bed and decide to check on Bella. I knock softly on the door, and when I get no response I open it. Bella is sleeping spread completely out on the bed. Her mouth is open and I can hear her heavy breathing from here. Another thing about Bella that hasn't changed: the way she sleeps. Back in high school, I used to sneak over at night to her house. Sometimes she was up, waiting for me. Those days where when she had something on her mind, and I was the one to help her through whatever the problem was. Other times, she would be asleep already, spread out on her bed just like she is now. She sleeps like the dead.

"Edward…"

And she often sleep talks too…wait. _Edward_. She just called me Edward. It was evidently clear to me since our reunion that Bella no longer called me by my first name. It was either 'Cullen' or some sort of derogatory term for how good she felt about me these days. Bella sleep talking is no surprise to me. She's always done this. What surprises me, however, is that she is currently thinking about me. _Edward_. She's thinking about _Edward_. A small smile appears on her lips and I can't help but smile back, even though she's sleeping and can't see me do so. That's another thing that has yet to change. Every time Bella smiles, I smile. It's infectious. I can't help it at all.

I walk over to the bed and bend down. My lips touch her forehead, and I can't help inhaling the scent of her. Beautiful. She smells _beautiful_. How the hell anyone smells like that, I have no clue. But there is no other way to describe her scent. "Goodnight, beautiful," I whisper before I stand up straight and leave the room. As I close the door, I can hear her mutter "Edward" one more time.

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**Let me know what you think! I've started on chapter seven already so hopefully I can update by next week. Anyone have any song recs? I need help in that department haha. **

**Also, add me on facebook! Teasers and pictures of TBHoM are up there as well. It's under the Name: Juju Bee**

**Ta Ta For Now :D**


	7. I Can't Adjust For You

**Hellloo There :D Thanks to those who have reviewed so far :) **

**Thanks to Becka, my wonderful Beta. She's my inspiration for this chapter (she knows why haha).  
**

**I do not own. Enjoy :D **

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Chapter Seven: I Can't Adjust For You

_"I'll never be what you want_  
_I wouldn't change any part of me_  
_Just to make you stay_  
_You had a piece of my heart_  
_But not enough to just run away_  
_'Cause I know what's best for me"_

_Never Be What You Want- We Are The In Crowd_

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BPOV

_Lick, Lick, Lick._

I don't know why Alice is licking my face, but I know that as soon as I decide to fully wake up she is dead. She constantly begs for attention, and I can't possibly imagine why she would go to such levels to wake me up.

_Lick, Lick, Lick._

What the hell has gotten into her? Maybe she's on something. No, she knows I'd kick her ass. Hypocritical? Yeah, I would say so. Do I give a fuck? No. She's my little sister, and I can only hope that she learns from my mistakes.

_Lick, Lick, Lick._

That's it. I'm up. I open my eyes and see the last thing I thought would be there. A fucking dog. My first thought is, 'When did we get a damn dog?'. After looking around my surroundings, my second thought is 'When did we get a new apartment?'. Stupid. I know. I hear the mutt groan and I groan right back at the fucker. I rub my eyes and stretch. I look back at the stupid ass dog begging for my attention and recognize him. It's Madden, Emmett's trouble making dog. Before Em moved in with his idiot brother, he was staying with Alice and me. He had gotten the annoying mutt, and at first I really didn't mind it. And then the bastard ate my shoes and pissed on my clothes. I scowl at the dog before pushing him off the bed.

I can now assume that I'm at Em's house.

"Rise and shine sleeping beauty!"

Yeah. I'm definitely at Em's house. Memories of last night are fuzzy. I know I made a huge fucking mistake kissing Riley. I didn't think the asshole was going to practically kiss rape me though. Emmett grabs the comforter and pulls it off of me. I'm in my underwear. What the fuck? I glare at Emmett, asking him silently what the fuck is up with that. He seems as clueless as me because he's staring at me like a damn piece of meat. Men.

"You have ten seconds to get out of here before I kick your ass Emmett," I say as calmly as I could.

"That means I have a good eight seconds to stand here and enjoy the show, yes!" He leans back against the wall and continues to stare at me.

"EMMETT," I yell.

"Leaving!" He races out the room. As I get up, I step on some clothes. I assume these clothes are the ones I should have been wearing. I throw on the basketball shorts and t-shirt and head out the room. I manage to find the kitchen and see Emmett sitting on the island eating an apple.

"So how many people does Cullen have to suck off in order to pay for this shit?" Seriously. This house looks like some shit you see on display in one of those fancy ass furniture stores.

"Dad." He says simply with the shrug of his shoulders. Of course. I totally forgot about daddy dearest. I want to ask Emmett if that was the case, then why the fuck couldn't Carlisle get Em his own place, but I don't feel like getting into a family discussion with him.

"Hmm."

"Want to light up?" See? I fucking love him.

"It's wake and bake time, Em." I smile and he leads me back to his room. We pass the room I was sleeping in and I stop.

"Where are we going?" Em stops and turns around.

"Uh…to my room. You know, wake and bake? We just had this conversation, B. Maybe you should lay off the weed for a little. You're brain cells are caput."

"Shut the fuck up, dumbass. I thought I slept in your room last night."

"Nope." He pops the 'p' at the end and then it hits me.

Cullen.

_No._

"Em," I began slowly, "please tell me nothing happened with Cullen last night." The look he gives me in return is not reassuring.

"I honestly couldn't tell you that B. I wasn't here. When I got home though, Edward was on the couch already. If you had fucked him, wouldn't he sleep in the bed with you?"

That makes sense to me. So I shrug it off and decide to just watch Cullen's reaction towards me when he wakes up. Emmett makes his way to his room and closes the door behind us. The mess in this room doesn't surprise me. Boxes of shit he has yet to unpack are piled up against a wall, clothes are thrown all over his bed, and there's a pile of garbage in a corner.

"This is why I couldn't stand living with you, you know."

"Trust me, I know. You never let me just… _be_."

"_Be_ what?" I mimic him. "A fucking hobo? Clean your shit up, Em."

"Yes, mommy."

"That's more like it. Now," I sit down at the edge of his bed, "let's get this show on the road."

Emmett pulls out two joints and a lighter.

"What is it?"

"Grand Daddy Purp," he says with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"Good shit? I've never heard of it."

"Great shit. It's better than Sour D."

He lights it and we take turns passing the joint around. "You sure Cullen won't mind us smoking in here? I don't want you to get kicked out and end up homeless. You sure as hell aren't coming back to my house."

"Since when did you start caring about what Edward thinks?"

"Touché."

We finish burning up the joint and I lay back. I feel so much better high. Light headed and just funny all over. Emmett was right. It was definitely good shit. I feel like my whole body is trembling. Em lies down next to me and I lay my head on his chest. Things with him are always casual and comfortable.

"Hey B?"

I look up at him before answering, "Yeah?"

"Do you think you'd ever forgive E?"

I look away from him before answering again, "No."

EPOV

I groan as I sit up from the couch. My back is killing me and my neck feels like it's been in the same position for days. It hurts to move it at all. "Damn…" I rub behind my neck as I stand up. _Ouch_. My whole body aches. I look down and am greeted with a very happy morning wood. I reposition myself and walk steadily to the bathroom. After brushing my teeth and taking a quick piss, I feel a little better. I walk out of the bathroom and the smell of chocolate hits my nose.

I hate chocolate. Hate is a strong word, I know. It's true though. I had so much chocolate as a kid I just don't think I can tolerate anymore for the rest of my life. In high school, Bella used to surprise me each day by bringing me different things made with chocolate.

"_Surprise!" _

_I jump up from the shock and all my books fall to the floor. I hear a distinct giggle as I reach down to pick up my shit._

"_Christ, Bella. What the hell?" It's way too early for this. I despise mornings._

"_Aw, what's the matter Mr. Grumpy Gills?"_

"_You've watched Finding Nemo way too many times."_

"_You can _never_ watch Finding Nemo too many times. It's just that great."_

"_Grow up."_

"_Shut up."_

_This is how our friendship is. We bicker all the time. _

"_Make me," I say as I wink and wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her body close to mine.. I try my best getting Bella to notice my feelings for her, but she's just as clueless as ever. _

"_You won't get any of these bad boys if you continue to disobey me." She holds up a Ziploc bag containing Coco Puffs. Jesus, I need to marry this girl. I let her go and bow my head to her._

"_Whatever you want, master."_

"_Now that's more like it." She giggles and I smile. I love hearing her so carefree. She hands over the bag and I'm already opening this baby up so I can devour it. "You would think your parents' forget to feed you with the way you beg and grovel for food."_

_I gasp and feign being hurt. "Food? No, not food. Chocolate."_

"_Weirdo."_

"_Loser."_

Those were great times. Bella and I were inseparable. I realize now that I took her for granted. I never would have thought she would turn to drugs for support. I didn't think she would stoop that low. This is who she is now, or so I'm told. I can't accept that. Some people can say that I'm in denial. Maybe I am.

Damn that chocolate smell is repulsive. I walk into the kitchen ready to go the fuck off at Emmett for creating this damn smell in my house and freeze. Bella is in my kitchen, wearing my clothes, and dancing around as Emmett hums some idiotic tune. I watch for a couple of seconds. She is so carefree and child like with Em. I get the short end of the damn stick and am stuck with bitchy, cranky, mean, vengeful, enraged Bella. All Emmett does is accepts who she is, and Bella is…_Bella_ around him. Kind, sweet, funny, goofy, crazy Bella. I want that, but I can't just accept what she does. Can I?

After watching her dance around for a couple of more seconds, I clear my throat and she turns around. She glares at me.

Happy moment gone.

I decide to go for the casual approach. "What are you two up to?"

"Fucking on your kitchen counter. Want to join?" She quirks an eyebrow as if she's genuinely interested in my answer. Emmett of course does what he does best and laughs at what Bella says. I feel like a damn reject so I just ignore both of them and grab a glass from the dish rack. As I pour myself some water I hear Bella sigh.

"We're making Oreo Balls."

Huh?

"What?"

"I don't know if there's a more technical term for them. But yeah, that's what I call them. Oreo. Balls." She grabs one from the plate and bites into it. "Mmm.."

I decide to take advantage of what seems to be her good mood.

"What's the hell is in it?"

"You beat together a package of crushed up, double stuffed Oreos with a block of cream cheese. Roll them into, you guessed it Cullen, balls! Dip them in milk chocolate or white chocolate and voilà! Oreo Balls.

"Someone has a lot of time on their hands to just sit at home and make up some crap like that," I say teasingly.

"Yeah? Well being alone does that to you," she snaps back at me. I ignore her and grab one of the uh…balls I guess. "I didn't offer you any." She snatches it out of my hand and gives it to Emmett.

"I didn't want any."

"Yeah, right. You and I both know that you're a fucking puss when it comes to chocolate."

"Not anymore."

"Excuse me?"

"I don't like chocolate anymore."

"I think Hell just froze over."

I laugh and finish drinking my water. I place the glass in the sink and turn towards Emmett. "Well you two have a good evening. I have a date with my bed." I walk towards the kitchen entrance and stop. "Oh, and Emmett?"

He answers with his mouth full of damn chocolate. "Yeah?"

"Stop smoking in my damn house. I'm serious."

As I walk out of the kitchen I hear Bella snicker and say, "I told you so, you big damn idiot."

~tBHoM~

I wake up three hours later and what is the first thing I do? Think of Bella of course. A lot is weighing on my mind. I can't just accept who she is now. The Bella I know wouldn't live her life around getting high. She would actually give a shit about her life. I hear my door creak and sigh. If it's Emmett's damn dog, I swear I'm going to kick it.

I'm obviously not a dog person.

I turn around and my eyes meet brown ones. Bella is here. What the hell? She seems guilty for sneaking in here. I don't want her running off so I offer her a smile.

"Why don't you like it?"

I think I'm lost here. Was I talking in my sleep? "Uh…like what?"

"Chocolate."

"You snuck into my room to ask me why I don't like chocolate?"

"Answer the fucking question."

Someone is hostile. "It causes pimples." That's not really why, but I'm not going to give her a straight answer when she can't even talk to me like a human being.

She sighs and walks into my room more. She lays down at the edge of the bed and looks up at the ceiling. "Thanks." I know what she's thanking me for, but I want to her to say why.

"For?"

"Taking care of my drunk ass."

"You really should be more careful you know."

Her eyes snap down to mine and she glares. "You know what? Next time, mind your damn business. I wanted to fuck him. You just cock blocked me."

She thinks I believe her when she says that. "I see right through you."

"You're a blind idiot Cullen." She sits up, getting ready to leave like always.

"Running away?"

"Fuck you, you arrogant prick."

"Trying to hurt me so I can back off?"

"Just tell me why the fuck you don't like chocolate anymore!"

Is she fucking high right now? What the hell does chocolate have to do with-_oh_. "You're upset that you don't know me as well as you thought anymore."

Her silence is all that I need.

"I'm going to tell you what you told me. People change. Get with it or get lost." I pull the cover over my head and try to calm myself down. She is still the only one who can just crawl under my damn skin and piss me the hell off. It's silent for what seems like hours. Then, I feel the mattress sink besides me. I pull the blanket back and turn around. We stare into each other's eyes for a couple of minutes, and I think about the question I asked myself earlier. Can I accept Bella? The new Bella, drugs included. I think I may be a goddamn idiot, but if I can't convince her to stop now, than chances are she'll never stop no matter how many times I ask her. I want her back.

"I think I'm gonna 'get with it' rather than 'get lost' Bella."

Perhaps with my friendship, she'll see that I changed and she can turn to me rather than turn to drugs. One can only hope. I look into her eyes, begging her for some kind of answer.

All I get in return is a smile. If it isn't a scowl or a glare, then that's perfectly fine with me.

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**Big time credit goes to Becka for the song suggestion and the Oreo Balls. You are officially PUBLISHED girl haha :) Seriously though, everyone needs to try her creation. Heaven in a ball. **

**I hope everyone who celebrates it has a Happy Easter :D Let me know what you think!  
**


	8. Submerged In Your Contradictions

**Author's Notes: **

**This Chapter is NOT beta'd. Becka if you're out there...somewhere...EMAIL me ! **

**Ahem, sorry my Beta seems to be MIA. Anyways, hope everyone enjoys!**

**I do not own.**

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"_You're style is kind of selective_

_Though your mind is rather reckless_

_Well I guess it just suggests_

_That this is just what happiness is_

_And what a beautiful mess this is_."

A Beautiful Mess- Jason Mraz

**Chapter 8: Submerged in Your Contradictions**

****EPOV

I wake up to an empty bed. I didn't expect her to stay, but a part of me feels disappointed because I was hoping she would. I stretch and breathe in and out. I smell…weed?

"You sleep too damn much."

My eyes snap to brown ones, and I smile. She's here.

She also happens to be smoking. In my room.

"I won't bitch today, but the smoking can happen anywhere but my room."

She smirks at me as she takes another hit off the blunt in her hand. "I thought there was no smoking at all. At least, that's what you told Emmett."

Fuck. I can't exactly say to her, _'Well Bella, that's because you're special. I'm trying not to piss you off as much as possible so you can stick around.'_

No, that's going to make her run away.

"I'm trying to be more…fun." I shrug my shoulders. As long as nobody acts stupid or breaks anything, I could probably tolerate it.

"Huh."

After adjusting myself in my pants I stand up and go into the bathroom. I wash my face and run some water down my head. I turn around and Bella's leaning on the door frame, offering the blunt to me. She quirks an eyebrow and I sigh. I feel like she's testing me, so I grab it and put it to my mouth. Inhaling the smoke, there's a slight sting in my throat. Her face humors me. She has her mouth open and she seems to be frozen. I laugh, causing me to cough out all of the smoke. She rubs my back and I'm shocked she's even touching me.

"There may be hope for you yet." She grabs the blunt out of my hands and takes another pull. I follow her out the bathroom and go into the kitchen. Emmett is there, eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.

"Finally! Your lazy ass is up. What are the plans for tonight?"

Bella goes up to Emmett and passes him the blunt. He takes one pull before looking at me and offering it. Since when did I join the circle? I have no clue. I take it and smoke regardless.

"Nothing."

I try not to notice Bella staring at me, but the urge to look back is tempting.

"Well we're all going to Morrison Park tonight. You're coming, right?"

"Don't you have a younger sister at home to look after?" I pass it.

"She can look after her own damn self Cullen. Don't start your fucking shit."

I back off. I don't need her giving me attitude so soon. "I don't know what's the point in going to the park but I'll go," I mutter. Bella smiles. I'm going to have to do a lot of ass kissing to get on her good side again. Am I ashamed of that fact? Although I should be, I find myself not caring what I have to do to get Bella back.

"Good. Now, I wanted to inform you before you find out on your own that I invited a friend or two over for-"

CRASH.

"_Shit_." A mutter. Whose? I don't know.

"Who the fuck is in my house Emmett. I told you I didn't want you hanging out here."

"Its just Jasper and Rose. They're practically family!"

I'm about to throw Emmett out on the streets when Bella interrupts.

"Edward."

My eyes snap to hers the instant I hear her say my name. She walks towards me, the blunt still in her hand. She takes a long pull and smirks. I don't need to be told to open my mouth as her lips come close to my mine. She exhales as I inhale. The smoke burns my throat, but not as badly as before. I blow her smoke out and I shake my head.

That was by far the sexiest thing I've ever seen.

My eyes snap to hers and she simply says, "Chill out."

"Do that again and you have yourself a deal," I say bravely. I'm pushing her buttons, but its Bella. She must remember how I am.

"Deal." I'm the one smirking now as I grab the blunt and mimic her, taking a long pull and keeping the smoke in my mouth. I lean towards her as she opens her mouth to take my smoke. I bring my lips closer to hers, practically touching them and its driving me crazy. I blow my smoke in her mouth, and I feel when she inhales.

She's staring straight at me, and I'm frozen in my spot as she exhales the smoke back towards my face.

"That was hot B. Do that to me next!"

Fucking Emmett. Of course he decides to ruin what could have been the best experience of my damn life.

"Get a life Emmett. Edward wouldn't have been upset in the first place if you had just told him they were coming over yesterday." Bella grabs the blunt and perches herself up on the island.

"Yeah well…fuck man I'm sorry alright? Next time, I'll let you know beforehand."

I shake my head, "there won't be a next time Emmett."

He ignores me and goes into the living room. "I want whatever that was broken to be replaced!" I yell after him. I look back at Bella and watch as she puts out whatever is left of the joint on my island.

"That's expensive, you know." I cock my eyebrow at her, hoping she'd get the point. She continues twisting the joint into it until she feels its out.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're too uptight? You need to seriously chill out, or someone might mistake you for some grumpy old man that lived with twenty-seven cats."

I laugh, but take her words seriously. In college, I was known as the 'party pooper' of the group. I guess now is a better time to change then ever.

"So weed is alright?" I change the subject. She looks at me like she has no idea what the hell I'm talking about. I clarify, "At the spot? When Rose asked if I wanted a bump and you just about chopped my head off? If that wasn't alright, than why is weed an exception?"

She rolls her eyes, "You know damn well why. Don't act fucking stupid."

"Because it's a stronger high and more addictive?"

She gives me a 'no-duh' look and waits for me to continue with my point.

"Bella, every drug is addictive and gives you a high."

"What the fuck Edward? What do you want me to say?" Her hands are flailing in the air as she speaks. I decide not to make a big deal about it.

"Nothing. Just forget it." I never wanted this to turn into an argument. "It's best if we drop it."

I have to start realizing that nothing I say or do will stop her. If she doesn't care about what happens to her, then why should I?

_**~tbhom~**_

Late that night we arrive at the park. The rest of the morning and afternoon involved of smoking some more and playing Mario Kart. That thing is addicting.

The game. Not the marijuana.

Anyways, we get to the park and I notice everyone straying away from Bella and me. I'm not going to complain about it, the more missed time I make up for the better. Emmett grabs Rosalie's arm and drags her to the monkey bars. Rosalie's trying to put up a fight, but the smile on her face says that she'll go anywhere with him. Jasper is sitting on the end of a slide, smoking a cigarette. I look towards Bella the same moment she looks towards me.

"Swings?" I offer. Her eyebrow goes up and she turns towards the swings wordlessly. She sits on a swing as I grab the chains on each side of her. I pull her back towards me, whispering in her ear. "Have you forgiven me?"

"Hardly," she mutters.

I release the swing and she goes forward. On her way back, I catch the chains and hold her still. "That's not a 'no' at least. I can deal with that."

"You're okay with this? With me?" She's looking at me. I scoff and let the swing ago again. She swings for awhile and I am silent. A moment later, I grab onto the chains one last time and stopped the swing completely. I move around to face her, keeping my hands on the chains beside her. I lean down so my face is leveled to hers.

"I'm letting you live your own life Bella. I offered my help, and you don't want it. If or when you fall that will be on you. Not me." I let go of the chains and sit in the swing next to hers. "But what I can do is be here to help you get back up."

"You know you've changed a lot since high school," she says randomly. I chuckle because I really haven't.

"You think?"

She nods and gets up from her swing. "You're…better." She looks at me seriously, and I just don't know how to respond to that.

I shrug.

"I'll kill you, you know."

_She'll…what? _

I don't get a chance to ask her what she means. She just walks away.

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**Review and I'll send Edward to inhale your smoke, and you can inhale his in return ;)**


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